Speak Up for Yourself More (Without Becoming Unlikable)

A few years ago, I was tasked with creating a standard PowerPoint presentation that my company would use at a variety of trainings and conferences.

Needless to say, I was really putting my all into it, determined to prove that I could handle an assignment of this size. I was already up to my eyeballs in fonts and statistics when my boss dropped by my desk and said, “Turns out we need this presentation sooner than expected! Can you have it done by the end of the week?”

My internal monologue went a little something like this: “Absolutely not, you crazy person! Unless you expect me to live here, there’s no way I can get this done that far ahead of the original deadline.”

But, what came out of my mouth? Something along the lines of, “Absolutely! Not a problem.”

Following that dishonest exchange, I worked ridiculous hours to get that presentation wrapped up in time. I arrived early, ate lunches and dinners at my desk, and took work home with me late in the evening. It was torture.

Sigh. Can you relate? Have you put yourself in a similar situation because you didn’t want to stand firm and speak your mind?

You’re not alone. It’s tough to speak up and advocate for yourself, even when you know it’s important. None of us want to be viewed as unhelpful, uncooperative, or defiant. So, we grit our teeth and bear it—even when we know we should be standing up and saying something.

Fortunately, there’s a tactic that you can use to voice your concerns, opinions, and even disagreements—without seeming totally unlikable. It’s called “perspective-taking.”

HABITS THAT MAKE PEOPLE UNHAPPY

Circumstances can certainly make life unhappy. But a part – often a big part – of unhappiness comes from our own thinking, behavior and habits.

In this article I’d like to share 7 of the most destructive daily habits that can create quite a bit of unhappiness within and in your own little world.

But I’ll also share what has worked, what has helped me to minimize or overcome these habits in my life.

1. Aiming for perfection.

Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?

Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?

Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just perfect.

How to overcome this habit:

Three things that helped me to kick the perfectionism habit and become more relaxed:

• Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.
• Have a deadline. I set deadlines every time that start with a new premium guide. Because about a year ago, when I was working on my second e-book, I realized that just working on it and releasing it when it was done would not work. Because I could always find stuff to add to it. So I had to set a deadline. Setting a deadline gave me a kick in the butt and it is generally good way to help you to let go of a need to polish things a bit too much.
• Realize what it costs you when you buy into myths of perfection. This was a very powerful reason for me to let go of perfectionism and one I tell myself still if I find thoughts of perfection pop up in my mind. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
  But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you. It can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.

Make Your Life Simpler

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
“The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity.”
Leonardo da Vinci 

I love simplifying my life. It makes me more effective and life less stressful. It makes me calmer and happier.
But where do you start? Or continue if you are already on your way?


These are the ways to simplify your life. Pick one of these to get started and keep doing it until it sticks and becomes just another normal part of your life.

1. Breathe. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.


2. Do one thing at a time. You’ll get better results and feel better and less stressed while doing those things.


3. Write it all down. Use your mind for better things than remembering what to do. And the mind is often like a leaky bucket. So write down all your great ideas, insights and thoughts before they go missing somewhere and add what you need to do to a to-do list.


4. Do all your food shopping once a week. You’ll save time, energy and – in my experience – money.


5. Stop trying to do things perfectly. It will only get you stuck and drain your self-esteem. Go for good enough instead and when you are there you are done. Get things all the way to done this way and then move on to the next thing.